YJ: Always Fine [Nightasia]

   Everything was falling apart.

   Wally was gone.

   Just… gone.

   No body. No real funeral.

   He just vanished. Leaving everyone close to him shocked, wondering, and in despair.

   All except for Ren. Who apparently was “fine”. Just as she always claimed to be.

   Dick didn’t believe this, not for a second. Over the past few years, he had seen his girlfriend was far from fine. She just would put on a smile and go through life as if nothing touched her. He could see that this wasn’t true.

   He wanted to help but didn’t know how.

   Ren was always checking in on him, making sure he was alright and if he wasn’t, she would find a way to fix that in a blink of an eye. She was best at taking a burden off from someone else and making everything seem okay.

   She usually made everything okay.

   Except herself.

   In her drive to help out all of her friends and family, she would always forget to check in on herself. To see how she was doing. Dick knew that part of it was her pride, but he also thought another was to make more time for others.

   He was right. Except, pride had almost everything to do with it. Ren had been raised being taught that being anything but calm and rational is bad. A weakness. These were Batman’s morals and the morals she thought her father would also uphold. She just wanted to make them proud.

   It also didn’t help that she was naturally prideful and stubborn. That, paired with the Ost in her head, who was always telling her the worst things…

   She would just hide whatever she was feeling and convince herself that she was fine. She did a pretty dang good job at convincing the others too, except for the ones closest to her.

   Like Dick.

   He’d watch her face fall at the mention of Wally or the way her head hung when she saw Artemis try not tear up at the thought of him. But then, she'd just shake it off and move on like nothing happened to her.

   She would say that it was just who she was. That she didn’t like to be left behind in life.

   That wasn’t completely it. No one could move on that easily.

   All he wanted to do was get her out of the denial she had buried herself under throughout the past few weeks.

   As of now, she was at her desk, writing. That seemed to be all she did these days when she wasn’t playing guitar.

   He had looked at some of her poems and songs when she left the room.

   They were the biggest red flag that she was far from alright.

   ‘My mind used to be a peaceful place,
   Where I could go to rest and escape.
   Now all that is left is ruins.
   Remnants of a war.
   A war that everyone but me
   was oblivious to.’

   He kept asking how she was doing. As did Bruce, Gar, Autumn, and even Artemis, who had an excuse to not focus on others at the moment. Technically, they all did, but that wasn’t who they were.  

   Their lives were dedicated to helping people, including each other.

   And every time they asked: “I’m fine. How about you?” was the response they got.

   She wouldn’t budge. Though, the dam couldn’t hold that strong forever. He had noticed leaks here and there.

   She wasn’t talking as much.

   She almost always had to have her music in when she wasn’t writing.

   If she didn’t… He wasn’t sure how she would react.

   Ren had stopped writing and was currently digging through her purse. As the seconds passed, she grew more frantic. Dick’s focus left his computer as he turned to face his girlfriend, “Ren?”

   He could barely make out her mumbling as she said, “Where is it?”

   He furrowed his brows in confusion, “Where is what?”

   She didn’t acknowledge him as she kept digging, her voice got louder, “Where is it?!”

   Dick stood up from his seat and walked over to Ren, he put a hand on her shoulder. This made her head snap over to stare at him, her eyes wild and distressed. He grew concerned, “Rennie, what’s going-”

   “My iPod.”

   “What?”

   She swallowed and gritted her teeth, “Where is my iPod?”

   Oh…

   “I’m not sure. Where did you last place it?”

   Ren started to shake, “I-In my purse.”

   Wally.

   Gone.

   Alone.

   Fine.

   Not.

   Yes.

   No.

   Serenity Logan was not fine.

   And she knew this.

   Just tell him. You know it will help. You know he isn’t going to think less of you.

   ‘You would really risk being a burden? You are more stupid than I thought.’

   No, she wasn’t going to be a burden. Not now, not ever.

   Dick watched as he saw his girlfriend on the verge of a breakdown. This was the closest she had come to one in weeks. He had never realized how important the music was to her. The acrobat pulled her into a hug, fully intending on helping her through anything she was going through.

   She relaxed into the embrace for a moment before freezing. She pulled away and gave Dick a forced smile. Getting up, she rummage through a side table drawer and let out a sigh of relief as she pulled out her iPod and earbuds.

   He watched as she put them in and closed her eyes, the tension seeming to just slip away. It was like she was going into a whole other world.

   Like she was running away from real life.

   And that was not healthy.

   Dick walked over to Ren, who was sitting on their bed. He pulled out her earbuds and grabbed her hands to prevent her from putting them back in.

   “Hey!”

   “Ren, listen to me. You cannot keep doing this. You aren’t okay. We can see this. Just… talk to me, please.”

   She swallowed, “I’m fine, Richard.”

   He sighed, “No. You’re not.”

   “Yes. I am.”

   Dick as growing irritated with his girlfriends stubbornness. He took a deep breath, “Princess, we’re all worried about you.”

   She put on a fake smile, “There’s not need to be. I’m fine, Richard. I am always fine.”

   He let go of her hands and pulled her iPod away from her, “Goddammit Ren! You can’t keep this up anymore! It isn’t healthy. I refuse to sit here while you continue to lie to yourself.”

   Ren’s face went blank, “Give it back.”

   “No. Not until you tell me what’s bothering you.”

   The Creatonian gritted her teeth and glared at Dick. She was in no mood for this. “Give. It. Back.”

   “Not this time.”

   Ren bowed her head and took a deep breath in attempts to calm her nerves. ‘He took your music. No one does that to the Little Dreamer. Are you honestly going to let this stand?’

   Her head shot up and she glared at her boyfriend, “GIVE IT BACK, DICK!”

   He froze. Yelling was not something that he was used to from her. While he was temporarily distracted, Ren shot forward and grabbed her iPod from his hand. She moved back, her glare riveling Batman’s as she snapped, “Don’t touch it.”

   He blinked, “Ren-”

   She stood tall and defiant in from of him, “I’m fine. I am always fine. You should understand that by now.” She opened a door-portal and grabbed her iPod, phone, and journal.

   “Where are you going?”

   “Out. I need some air.”

   And she was gone.


   Dick sat on the couch, putting his head in his hands.

   She had been gone for six hours.

   He just wanted her to let him help her. Was that so much to ask?

   He wondered if there was really nothing he could do…

   Nothing he could do to prevent everything from falling apart.